Well, today is the day. I know that my life is going to change today and I don't know how I feel about it. I mean my life spends so much changing, that I barely have time to catch up and process what is happening. I feel like my time at home has been so short, and I feel so unprepared for my next leg of the journey. I feel a little overwhelmed. I haven't processed everthing from Grassy and now I'm moving on. Don't get my wrong, I chose to do this and I want to, but I'm a little scared. Yes, I'm scared of yet another change. I don't know why, but I am.
Part of my just wants to stay put. Just for awhile... the other half of me wants to go anywhere I can possibly go. The latter half is what has been driving me recently.
Do you ever feel like God led and directed you in one direction, but right before you take the step, He's no where to be found? I just feel all alone on this side right now, but I know that God is waiting for me after I take this step. He'll be there when I crumble from exhaustion after just one step. A step that spans two cultures, lifestyles, new experiences, new friends, and new trials. Just this one step will change me forever... maybe that's what I'm scared of. Everytime I take a huge step, I get changed. It's always for the better, but my dreams and passions always change as I change. Maybe I don't what that to happen. Maybe I'm happy with where I am right now. Yes, I want to grow more Christ-like, it's my daily prayer... but can't I do that without having my dreams changed? I know the answer to that question. When I gave and continue to give my everything over to God, my dreams are included in that package. I want him to control them, I really do. He's the one that gave them to me, their not really mine after-all, their His.
I think I need to go prepare for my journey. This one requires light luggage (physical and spiritual) and a big heart. All need some working on right now.